21

21 the big 2-1 wow! Looking back on 21 years, I'd have to say I'd regret more then I enjoy but out of pain and suffering (mostly self inflicted) comes this new Jeremy one more aware loving and caring. One that s still changing and growing. If the bible is right and I do get 10 fold back for my bad actions, I know that this changed Jeremy can only do it by God so to many more! Happy Birthday to me!!

....let that be enough

Emily Jones help to give me the push I needed, to be cared enough to make me want to change, I've all ways wanted to change but now I steped out of fight and give it to God. If you wondering what i'm talking about it's porn. I've struggled in and out of it since I was 12. I'm not proud of any of my actions and i'm not tell anyone this for my gain or to talk up Emily, no it's to give God the glory and praise because without him I have nothing. And the truth is you really got to get to a point where you want to get over it and find someone, anyone that pushes you and want to make you accountable of you sin, someone you can be honest with. And no i'm not saying i'm over those feelings that are inside, the thoughts and images that pop up, or how I look at women,......looking at her, and not at certain areas of intrest, but her as a person. It's getting way better but it's far from over but I will get through this, this time there is no other choice my life depends on it...........everyonce in awhile this thought, this figuretive sitution a choice, to have a one night stand to take that instand gradifiction, and throw away the life I could have the life I want to have. And i'm scared that choice will actually be faceing me in real life. I know the choice I have to make in my mind and heart. Above all God is in this but emily has be his tool, she is such a great friend.

Is heartache growth?

Why is it in our lowest we find a way to keep moving and growing and changing why does it take (sometimes) hitting rock bottom. Before we get help or before people realize you need help. I think Santcus Reals says it the best in one of their songs "He gives and He takes and it makes us stronger" For me I see that yeah i'm a little lonly but for me to be with anyone to think of not myself but a family before me. To do whats in my best intrest sure it matter but it never mattered so much until now, stand here looking at the rest of my life realizing that whats in best intrest is no longer just an option to take it's the best road, sure I can try to fit the system and make my own way do what I want because I want it. But I know that's selfish, and in the end it may work out but to save myself, my kids, my wife and family from heartache of that kind. All I know is I the way I think needs to change......

Family

Well since I haven't been on here in a long time this is all new I don't know how many people will read this site but at least I have Blog!! And I know I'm the only one at Westwood that uses this. Anyhow just recently I've met my birthmother, my twin brothers and my sister. And it was like a small piece of me was finally in its place. I fell whole or more whole knowing Cindy my birthmother, Caleb, Cody and my awesome little sister Paige. I barely know them but I already love them so much. It must be what a mother feels like when that have their kids they just love them with out reason. And the truth is they I feel they are apart of me. I am proud and happy to be a part of this large and loving family and to be rised and brought up with such great parents that love me no matter what! I love you all!

This is to you my Lord

I hurt in side my heart is in pain, like its been stabbed by a dull dagger and only God can make this pain, hurt, discouragement, anger, disappointment, go away. Never have I been so unable to know what to say! There are times when your faith is tested, and faith is lost in others. But my faith in God will never weaver, No matter who you effect devil I will never stagger from my eyes upon the cross. Even if you cut the legs and the foundation of the church out from under me, and take what I hold in high regards; I have something you will never take, My faith in God lord almighty, the creator and father of all mankind. My savior is he, even thought I walk through the valley of the shadow of the dead, I fear not, Because you are with me. My loving God in these times I will focus on you and you alone. Your all I have and even thought humans fail us I will have faith in you. I will love you till the end of my day. Amen

Awesome God

Wow, God is so awesome! I just had a girl come up to me and said how my site really touched her and that she really needed it. It really is a blessing and it really makes me think about how these blogs can really affect others and not just how people do watch how Christians or people that say they are Christians act and if your a Christian not acting like it and not up hold what god calles us to then your most likely leading others away. This is where I hear the typical Christians are hypocrite and or fake. No not everyone acts like that but if your serious about god then you need to think about how your acting. And if you are a Christian out there and you know your not living the life, why, what leads you away,.....Is it the fact that you don't think you'll have fun and every thing else out there seems more entraining or what. I hear a lot these days that this is the best time in our life and we need to live it up or these are the times to have fun. Who says you can be a Christian and can't have fun? Who says you can't live up your life and still be a Christian. Who says that to live up your life you need drugs, alcohol, sex, smoking or anything else that takes the place of god in your life. No matter what the reason it's not good enough to justify drinking, smoking, drugs or sex. And even if you messed up or you are a Christian that's leading away people from Christ or leading other Christians away or to cause them to stumble in there walk with Christ then I urge you to rethink your life and what impact you have on the people around you because no matter what you think you effect people. I never thought my site would be such a tool for god but as long as he wants to use me is as long as I will use this site for god. And you can always ask questions or leave commits.

Tempting

Go to my Xanga site to Check out the same post with a great song on my site!
Well I was going to come on here to I guess be angry at the fact some people disrespect our Sunday school teacher, by not listening and talking the whole time. But I'm not going to say anything more about it, not that I shouldn't just I don't feel god wants me to. So I won't! Man Sunday moring we had the sermon that I needed. It was about temptations and how we are to be in the world not part of it. By that he means we are to go out and be with the sinner and love them, but not be part of what they are doing. And to not test tempting or question god. It was awesome because right now I'm gain control over a temption that, I could no longer control on my own. It took all my strength but even that wasn't enough, but god has it now. And for some reason Emily showed me this I don't know how but she did. And it has been a blessing in my life! Temption takes a part of all of lives, fighting it is never easy, unless you have god on your side. And when people would tell me this I'd pray and pray for god to take it away or make the temption subside but, god never did that.... You know why because god doesn't want to be that easy.... Its not suppose to be that easy he want us to truly relay on him to have faith in something that you can see, touch, feel (physically), smell, taste, but you can see his affects in the world, in lives everyday, you can touch other people with his word and with his strength, you can feel him in heart and in your life leading you to people and situations you need to be in. Smell well if you could smell him I'm sure he'd smell awesome like lucky u cologne or something. Taste well that would just be weird. But I think you get the pic. One I can't spell and Two Gods real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Proof look at my life look at the lives around you. Look at you life. I will always be tempted with this one thing more then other temptions but with God on my side it will one day be a easier to say always say no.